Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
