I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
