Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
