i think my tv is drunk
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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