Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
