We're facebook friends in real life
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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