id be glad to
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
