I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
home. puking in laundry basket.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
