I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
