Umm I'm too high to move.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
