She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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