I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
