Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
