I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
