New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
