do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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