Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
