I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
