In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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