My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
