so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
