I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
