please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
