The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
