I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i love accidental penises.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
