i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
