I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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