how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
