maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
