Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
