Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
