My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
