I can text with my tongue
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
