The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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