Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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