In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
