What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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