lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Randomize
