Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
