And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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