I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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