So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
