im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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