I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
