oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
