Where are you?
In a non slutty way
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
