sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
