Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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