yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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