my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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