he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
