Do you still have your period?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
