Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
