I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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