ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
