hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
