i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
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Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
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Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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