ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
