please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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