I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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