Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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