Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
