I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
