boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
