i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
