I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
