he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It's blow job season.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
