somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
