I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
