Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
