I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
