I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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