Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
