sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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